Phone Talk
by Dark Ray
Summary: Ryou was at work one day and starred into his soda when something amazing happened. WOOTANG!


Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh

Phone Talk

By: Kaite Ward and Rachel Shaw

I walked casually over to table of rowdy teenagers, sighing as I got out my pen and readied myself to take their orders. This job sucked, but it was an okay pay, so I couldn't complain really, I just hated people.

"A double Decker, overly greasy, thing," one of the teens laughed at me. I sighed as I put down "cheeseburger". The teens continued to giggle amongst themselves. I went to the back room and clipped my paper to the pin and sent it off into the fiery pits of the kitchen.

At break, I was sitting at a table by myself, staring into a large soda when a strange girl walked over to me and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to her and came face to face with VERY large boobies. Her shirt read "Horny Bizatch". I just sorta stared for a while, very scared, when my manager looked over…. "PERVERTTT!!!!!!!! NOO FIRED!!!!!!!!"

I glared at him in his drunken state and grabbed my jacket, following the big boobed girl outside. She handed me a small orange card and walked to her car. In curiosity I starred at the card which read,

_Bored and Lonely?_

_Need a good time?_

_Call Happy Boobies now!_

_724-245-3424_

_Ask for me, Sprinkles! _

"Wootang," I mumbled to myself as I walked past a mud puddle. I was going to call this crazy, perverted, big boobied, woman-thing when Bakura went out tonight. It may be interesting; besides, I need a little adventure in my life! It was then that I realized that by avoiding the mud puddle, I had stepped in dog crap. Joy. WOOTANG!

"I need a beer," Bakura yelled at me that night as the front door slammed shut. I sat in my pink, leather chair and without moving my head I eyed the phone that was a sitting next to me like a sitting duck. Quickly I picked up the phone and put it against my ear and listened to the dial tone. I slowly dialed each number to make sure my call was correct.

"This is Happy Boobies, Sprinkles speaking…" the voice growled. "What are you wearing..?" "Uh…clothes?" I replied dumbly. "Oh, well why don't you take them off….mmmmmm?" "AHH!" I screamed and slammed down the receiver. PHONE SEX! "RYOU! ARE YOU MASTERBATING AGAIN?!" Bakura screamed from the window. What was he doing…planting flowers? Did he forget where the BAR was?!

I screamed my girly scream and threw the phone at him. I jumped up from my seat. Sadly, the end of my pants was strangely caught under a leg and my pants ripped off. My scream deafened people for miles as I ran to my room. I shut the door and hid under my bed (when I could've fit easily on top) and hid there till morning.

I woke up with a pounding headache and when I tried to sit up, I smashed my head on the bottom of my bed. "What the hell…?!" Then, all the memories of the day prior came rushing back and I began to cry in frustration. "BOOHOO! NOOOOO!" It was then that I realized that Bakura was looking at me with a bottle of booze in his hand and a stupid grin on his face. I glared at him. "Hey, uh, I got lost, so I peed in your plant over there…" I stared at where he was pointing to realize that it was not a plant, but my laundry basket. "WHY ME!? WHY?!!!" "I like it here, so nice and fuzzy," Bakura stated before passing out on my floor. Greatttttttt. (snort)

I walked over him and went into the kitchen where I made my gourmet breakfast. Today it was scrambled eggs, toast, cereal, and an apple. Such a light meal I know, but I must maintain my model figure! As I sat down, ready to consume my creations the phone rang. I put down my fork and picked up the phone with fear. "We really need to get a caller ID so I don't get scared if it's a telemarketer," I thought as a voice breathed into the receiver. "Hello…." It said. "This is Summer," it said as it drooled into the phone.

"What..? NO SOLICITORS!" I yelled as I threw the phone across the room. It smashed into tiny pieces brilliantly as it made contact with the wall… well… first it made a giant hole to the outside world… then it hit a squirrel and exploded. But overall, it pretty much became unusable. Then Bakura came woozying down the stairs and he looked at me, well as best as he could, and stated, "Hey, I got lost, so I uh, threw up in your plant…" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I searched the house to find my "plant" sadly it was another one of our precious phones. I sighed as I picked up the poor baby and used my handkerchief to clean it. I looked at the passed out Bakura and I decided that I must take action! I put on my designer Victoria Secret coat and I left the house. I knew it was time I made use of myself. Time the world faced the wrath of Ryou! I must fulfill my destiny to become, a man pleaser!!!!!! Or just a hooker who does it on the phone.

"My cookies, my cookies, my cookies are not your cookies!" I sang to myself as I walked the great streets of…Domino. FEAR ME, WAHA! I had a phones sex card in my hand and a song in my heart and a pink thong hugging my ass. Yes, I was ready to face the world. It was then that I ran into… DUN DUN DUN! Seto Kaiba..?

"OW YOU BITCH!" he yelled at me as he fell to the ground from my umm… model weight. It was then that he looked up at me, and squinted his pimpish little eyes. "Do I KNOW you…?" "AH MY COOKIES!" I screamed and took off in the direction of the "Domino Playboy Mansion". Kaiba was FOLLOWING me! He was even… yelling something incoherent but I was too fast!!!!!!! "COME BACK HERE HAVE I DONE YOU BEFORE?!?!" Kaiba screamed.

I entered the mansion and panted against the back of the door. I looked around and my eyes could've burned and fallen out of my head. I saw Duke and Weevil in skimpy pink bunny suits, surrounding Pegasus. They poured him wine and fed him cookies. "MY COOKIES?!" I whispered with anger as a wind blew on me. MY skirt flew up and I was exposed and fell to the floor as Seto Kaiba entered the premises.

He picked my up and started at my exposedness. "Yep, I slept with you about 3 months ago," he said as he put me back down on the floor. I pondered to myself of my events 3 months ago. It hit me that it was my first time at a bar, and I had a little too much… you know….. dew…..

I then began receiving vivid images of that night in my brain and I had to quickly cover my mouth and run to the nearest… "plant". Which just so happened to be Weevil. "SORRY!" I yelped as I dashed across the room, waving my hands in the air and making animal noises. I think that this is what we like to call a nervous breakdown, folks. Ahh!

Pegasus smiled at me with his eye (singular) and it shimmered, blinding me. I put my hands over my eyes and I fell to my knees. Duke skipped over to my side and carried me some where. My consciousness told me not to look, so I must have lain wherever I was at for days. I peaked open one eye and saw a very bright light, then darkness. Yes, I was blind. I rolled over and felt the floor. It was velvet and smelt like…….mushrooms with a hint of…….. YAMI!? A soft banana like thing hit me in to head and I froze. To feet ran around the room and I was continually hit with the soft banana.

It was then that I heard something to the likes of "Teehee, hee hee hee, teehee!" I was so scared shitless that I didn't know what to do! It was then that I realized… that I had wet my pants. NOOOOO! It's 7th grade all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, the yami-like scent wafted closer my way and something started touching my… pants. "You're soggy, and you smell like urine," a husky voice said.

"Mokuba?" I cried out loud. "mmm, yes," it said as it stroked my hair. "Is Yami there?" I stuttered with fright. "I'm here," he said as my head was patted. I curled up into a little ball and sucked my thumb, or at least that what I thought I was sucking.

"Yes, a little harder, my slave," Seto Kaiba's voice said. SLEEPOVER?! What was going on?! Was this all just a dream?! "SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!" It was then that everything seemed to disappear around me and I was left in quietness. Then I heard someone call out to me. "Ryou?" it said. I opened my eyes and I could see! I t was Yuugi…? And we were surrounded by darkness. "Ryou," Midget Yuugi said, "Click your designer heels together and say three times, 'There's no burger, like a cheeseburger.'

"There's no burger, like a cheeseburger," I said three times. I opened my eyes and my boss was looking down at me. I was back at my job with that glass of soda on my break. The joy I felt. I wasn't blind, raped, or phone sexed. "What rejoicing," I said, Glomping my fat boss. The kitchen bell rang and a cheeseburger was waiting in the pick up area. I lifted it with glory and pride as I danced it over to its hungry eaters.

"Ryou, wait," my boss called as I went to go wait on more customers. "Yes, Mr. Fassypants?" "Take the rest of the day off kid, God knows you need it." I REJOICED AND FLEW OUT OF THE FAST FOOD JOINT! NOTHING COULD RUIN MY DAY! NOTHING!!!! (squish) "Aw shit, I stepped in a mud puddle…"

END


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